I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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