We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
