And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
