Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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