I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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