Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
