so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
