Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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