thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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