Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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