Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
