My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
