i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
