I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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