Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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