I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
