honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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