great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
