he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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