Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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