i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
