I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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