Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
