i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So here I am, sexting at work.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
