And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
