Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
