i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
