Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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