Define "chronic" masturbator.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
