I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
