a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
