i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
