Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
