my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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