Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
