google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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