So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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