I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
