I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize