I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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