If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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