we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
