bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
