They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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