Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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