Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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