i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
