So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize