I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
