So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
