do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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