We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
