don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
