i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
