i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize