I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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