If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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