The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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