i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
