We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
