WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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