I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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