It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
