how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize