hell yes lets make some ravioli
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
