You really coming over, don't trick.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
