Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
